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“You’re great! But….”

 

You’re Great! But…
My Year (and then some) of Online Dating

by Roxy Freefall

Roxy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Online dating… It’s an addiction really. We know it’s bad for us, we are not happy while we do it, yet we still go back for more because what else is there?

I have been in the online dating world for about a year and a half. Over this time I have signed up 10 different online dating websites/apps:
Plenty of Fish
Match.com
OKCupid
The Chive (through How About We)
Tinder
Sway
Geek 2 Geek
Soul Geek
Coffee Meets Bagel
Zoosk

Compared to some, a year and half is no time at all as I have heard stories from people who have been online dating off and on for 5 years and then some. But in my short time in this world, I have learned a few things.

First and foremost, I have learned that I SUCK at dating in general.
I’m a pretty good first date and going out on dates, but the idea of dating, going out with someone on a Tuesday and then  a different person on Thursday, I’m just not good at. I feel like I’m a pretty good interview, and that’s really what all this is right? Just a set of interviews to choose someone as a potential partner. But “the game” just isn’t for me. Sometimes it’s just simply overwhelming. You sign up for a site and then all of a sudden there are hundreds, sometimes thousands, of poor souls out there to look through. Then, as you are looking through them, there is the task of weeding out the ones who are not what you are looking for until you finally find one that you would like to connect with… only for them to not write you back. Then you do connect and it’s the game of trying to balance what is too much versus not enough communication and who should write first, etc. It just gets downright frustrating.

The purpose of this is not to form a pity party over online dating. I mean, it can’t be all bad as I have several friends who have met their partners through online dating (and I am reminded of it all the time). They are the lucky ones indeed. The purpose of this, though, is to share some things I have learned along the way.

In order to get through this god awful experience, I started jotting down notes in the form of tips. Some of these are meant to be somewhat serious, but most were meant to be funny so that I could laugh at the situation instead of get frustrated by the whole ordeal. So far I have close to 100 tips that apply to not just online experience but the experience when you get to meeting the other person as well. Here are just some of the things I found to be notable with the online experience:

Online Dating Tip #80:
Learn how to “google.” It’s not stalking. It’s being safe. You don’t know who you are going to meet these days and it’s better to be safe than sorry. Also, fully expect that someone will “google” you and periodically do searches on yourself to make sure that you are being represented correctly. You don’t want to find out the hard way that someone is using your name improperly or that website you thought you deleted is still out there.

Online Dating Tip #34:
Don’t tell me I look yummy. Now I know you just want a booty call, and if that’s not your intention, then I’d wonder if you also drink Chianti and would have a side of fava beans.

Online Dating Tip #31:
“Wanna know about me? Just ask.”
No. Tell me about yourself now. Be upfront and don’t be lazy with your profile. You don’t have to write a novel, but at least tell me a bit of what you like. Yes, it’s hard to write about yourself, but just saying “just ask” is a cop out.

Online Dating Tip #32:
When writing to someone for the first time, use full words and avoid text speak. Also try your best to avoid coming off as a creep. “Hi beautiful how are you i like u bio” is not something you want to open with.

Online Dating Tip #28:
Don’t put in your profile that you’re not looking for games or drama. No one is looking for that and if you do write it, you are just going to invite it.

Online Dating Tip #21:
“Ooops I forgot” is never an acceptable answer. If you have no intentions on doing something, whether it be calling, writing or seeing someone, don’t say that you will. And if you did TRULY forget, apologize and make it up to them as soon as possible.  The longer you wait, the further away from you the person will go.

Online Dating Tip #17:
Eager Puppy Humpty Dance (adj.): The art of being so up in someone’s business that you are like a puppy humping someone’s leg. Just chill. Yes, you are excited because you REALLY REALLY like this person, but let them breathe and take things as they come.

Online Dating Tip #9:
Do not send an unsolicited photo of your penis. No girl has ever said “I chose to go out with him after he randomly sent me a picture of his wang” and they never will. So just don’t.

Online dating tip #6:
Smile in your photo. No you don’t look mysterious or sophisticated. 9 times out of 10 you look like an angry butt that I don’t want to deal with.

Online Dating Tip #1:
Don’t lie. Just don’t. It’s easy to create a persona that you wish were true, but it will catch up with you and you’ll have a hard time keeping up the lie. Just suck it up and be honest from the beginning. This goes with photos as well… no one likes a “bait n switch.”

So why do it if it’s so awful?
Like I said, it’s like a drug. I know it’s bad for me because it doesn’t help the self-esteem at all, but there’s no other choice really. For a lot of us, this is the only way right now to meet someone outside of work, our usual routine and especially outside of our circle. So we keep plugging along. I can’t say it was entirely terrible as I have a couple people whom I consider to be pretty good friends out of this ordeal, but honestly, I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t feel like I had to and I don’t wish the experience on anyone really.

Bottom line:
Be yourself.
Be as open as you can be.
Don’t compromise.
Have fun.

We only have one chance on this big blue marble so you shouldn’t settle on just anyone to share your experiences with. As much as I complain, I know I am doing my best to enjoy the ride and I hope you will too.

Be Awesome!
Roxy